All By Myself,

All By Myself

I have lived that way

so many many times

Lost In Time

Desolate And Alone

Lonely And Blue

Life Is No Longer

To Be True

Life Is Such A Fool

Slowly Fading Away

Into Darkness And Eternal Despair

Bound Into A Lair

Of Loss

And Self-Destruction

Pain And Sadness

Entertwined  within my soul

As I Bleed From Deep Within

Longing To Live No More

I Long For Death

To Seek Me Out And Find Me

Why Oh Why Can't You See?

That Is What I Want To

Become Of Me

As The Days Slowly Wither On

Death Slowly Starts Creeping In

Minute By Minute, Second By Second,

Hour By Hour, Day By Day.

What More Can I Say?

My Day Has Finally Come

To Set Me Free....

Don't Mourn For Me.

As You Have To See,

That Is What I Wanted For Me.

Finally, I Have Been Set Free

Guardian Angel

Your Guardian Angel

is that part

of your self that is holding

a dream and visions of you as a

unified person of god.

Your Guardian Angel gives

love and protection to your soul and heart

your Guardian Angel

is to provide you with a peacefulness

of love so that you may

never feel ill or suffer

Your Guardian Angels holds

the token of what you are

so that you may awaken full of

peace and good health

The beatuiful soul that you are is

one that is sent from God above,

with all the love from your Guardian Angel

sent down from above

Copyright ©2001 Julie Johnson

My Friend, My Brother

When I was little and scraped my knee,

He was so caring and so full, of sympathy

When I was impatient with my youth,

He was gentle with the truth.

When I was angry at life's unfairness

He gave faith and brought awareness

When I lost heart and cried defeat.

He urged me into the world so wide

He was my mentor and my guide.

When I searched for answers to life's questions,

He was my inspiration when I had sadness which numbered

two. He shared his love with me times two.

When I speak of one whose love it shared to measure

He, whose gift of love, is much to treasure

of whom I speak you will discover

He is of course, my friend, my brother.

Julie Johnson

Copyright ©2001 Julie Johnson

Despair and Sadness

Life is like a wilting rose of despair

Trapped within the lair of sadness

Wondering why all the maddness

endures endlessly

Blackness deep within my soul

filling my innermost thoughts

clouding my judgement deeming my heart

to the blackness of despair

Sadness as it entwines my innermost  thoughts

I look deep for the answers

longing for some sign

wondering why to burden me with such a fine

all down the line of the sadness and despair

of this word called life

Why must it be so full of strife this game we call life

Is there somewhere to turn?

Where the innocent can learn

before the sadness and despair

take their turn Blackness everywhere

Sadness entails the blackness

and pulls them into the lair of despair

Darkness in the end

rules over all

entailing all to fall with

nowhere left to call

Dwelling in the sadness

and despair forever

never to return, nor to learn

Blackness,Sadness,Despair

takes over vowing to keep you

engulfed in it, eternally

never to escape

As Death

takes over second by second

hour by hour,

As the three

pull me and others into it

as they see fit,

till the blackness

despair and sadness slowly

take what little rays of light left

slowly flicker  growing dimmer

and dimmer day by day,

hour by hour,

second by second

as i fall deeper

deeper into total blackness

despair and sadness,

As I long to be happy

once more,as i come

to the realization

that it is a dream to

wish for nothing more

as i soar into the death

of the blackness

sadness and despair

till i am no more

just the blowing of my inner soul

along through the night

with the sadness

and despair and

blackness that dwells

through the complexity

of what is called life

Finally i have found peace alone in

the Sadness, Darkness,

and Despair

Where i longed for

every second of life

never to have

anymore strife in

this pitiful game of

life.......

Copyright ©2000 Julie Johnson

Eternal

I wander aimlessy alone

in the shadows

Full of agony and sadness

as my heart fills with the blackness

My soul was torn away,

It is no longer mine

In the darkness

I find my serenity

As the light shines onto me

My soul burns in agony

memories of a life

that is no more

That was once joyful

no longer

anymore to exist

no more to seek the light

that once dwelt upon me

As i see the darkness

dwelling upon

me all my life where the

sun will no longer exist

or be down upon me

That was once joyful

no longer will i exist in the

light of the day I wait

in the shadows for

my love to come

I feel his heartbeat

and crave

his soul to bind into mine

We dwell as one the rest

of our eternal lives

Never fearing Safe in the

Eternal World of Love

Hiding Away

Hiding away deep within the shadows

Closed Up within myself

Trying to break free of these

chains that bind me

Crying in the stillness of the night

Wont i ever be set free?

Instead i lie awake, dreaming of a life that

i wait to be..

Drowning in my tears

of sadness and pain

I try to save the only

thing that is left of my being

Dreams and Fantasies of what is to come

Waiting and Wondering

Waiting for the day to come

So very tired of being alone with

out him by my side..

I hold strong to the

dreams that are yet to come

Hiding away,

Closed up waiting

for you

if it takes a eternity

i will forever wait

In My Hand

I have here in my hand

something that cannot be seen

i hold in my hand dreams

of what will come to be

what i want to be

i will hold in my hand

the power of life i have yet to see

I hold in my hand

my grief and sadness

I hold in my hand

the happiness i long for

I hold in my hand

the road that will be yet to see

I hold in my hand

the hopes and dreams

i long for

I hold in my hand

the decisions i make

I hold in my hand the

the life i choose to live now

and in the future

I hold in my hand the forgivness

that i give to others

I hold in my hand what will happen

in the present and my future

I hold in my hand the painful

and joyous memories

of the past and present

and the future

that lies ahead..

I hold in my hand

a future that i long for

to come to be..

Copyright ©2002  Julie Johnson

But I Live

I know i will never look

lovingly into someone else's eyes

and i vow that i will never do

as long as I have you

I cant do that

as my heart belongs with you

But I live

Somehow, Someway

Longing to feel your lips pressed against mine

Longing to feel your warm embrace around me

telling me i am safe and loved

But I live Somehow, Someway

I will never embrace another, as

my heart belongs only to you

But I live, Somehow, Someway

as i go on longing for your breath

down against

my neck

But I live Somehow, Someway

As i wait for us to be as one

But i live knowing that my heart will

be with you wherever you are

undying and endless

my love will go on and on

if i have to live all eternity waiting

Consuming in you

As i feel the warmth of your gentle touch

And your face is all i see

Holding tight onto you is what i long to do

Pouring myself into you

Longing to be so close to you

As i try to understand

the distance keeping us

apart for now

All the pain that consumes

me being away from you

Unblaming as we work together to

gets things right to be

together soon as we both can fufill that

dream

I stay consumed in you

no matter what comes to be

no matter what destiny falls at our doors

Tears of missing you and longing to be with you

roll down my tear streaked face

Consuming my sadness

as i wait for you

I want to feel you here by my side

engulfing me in warmth and protection and love

whispering in my ear

shed no more sadness, pain or tears

i am here finally and will no more leave

Wishes

I wish i could hold you tight

for endless days and nights

To feel you breathe

to feel your heart beat

knowing me and you will

never ever part

I wish to be a part of you

and you part of me

to share your tears and joys

and all of our fears

I wish to sleep tightly in your arms

to feel your warmth

and feel your love for me

wrapped around me as i sleep

I wish to feel your soft gentle touch

i wish to be with you so much

I wish to hold on to this for as long as it takes

for us to be one together

in time...

Copyright ©2002  Julie Johnson

A Moment In Time

The words are lost somewhere in time

as i search for all the right words to say

I know what i feel and

want you to feel it to

you are what is keeping my soul alive

you understand all my thoughts and emotions

there is nothing more i want

than to be with you

you can brighten my days ,

even from within my deepest

sorrow

your presence and voice

makes me quiver

you dont know what you

do to me, i wish you did

deep within my soul

lies a place for you

the hope of me and you keeps

me ticking deep down inside

and it revolves fully surrounding you

before i found you i was a lost dark soul

trying to find some meaning for my life

then the angels answered

all my hopes and dreams

and sent you to me

at the time i needed you..

the caring you show

gives me happiness and joy

you came and showed me your past

and helped me find the answers and

future of what is to be...

I learned that i can to feel love

through you

you showed me that way,

and i cling to the feelings i have for you

the emptiness i have felt since

you came to me has now faded into the

shadows

the only place i feel content

is knowing that

you are here for me and that

we will soon be together

for eternity

I look through the mirror and all i see

is a image of you

you are in my life and heart now

and will forever be...

I'll fly you to the highest place

you desire and

All I See

A endless array of confusion

and pain

Where to turn, Will we ever learn

My Soul fades down to blackness

Full of turmoil, pain and sadnesss

Nothing will last forever

In this endless dream

So it seems,

What is there to redeem

My soul bleeds in turmoil

Close my eyes

as i slowly die and begin to

drift away into the blackness

one again

Don't hang on is what my mind

feeds to my soul

as i give into the the blackness of

my death and despair

as i am pulled into the lair

never to return for others

to yearn for me once more

The moment has gone

My dreams pass before my eyes

One last time, Knowing they will never

be fulfilled

The life i knew slowly crumbles to the

pits of darkness

as my pain and grief slowly soak with it

I am finally to be set free

Never more to see the light

of a life that has seeped out and away

from the reality of life

I long for the peacefulness of darkness

and death

I let go

and fade away to

the blackness for eternity

My Love For You

The sun creeps down behind the

sloping horizon, As my dreams

for tommorrow will somehow

come true...

We go to walk hand in hand till the

last ray of light shows a little glimpse

of brightness in your light golden hair

The Moon rises over the bay to end yet

another loved filled day..

To one another we are drawn..

Walking slowly hand in hand,

Lighter than the ocean

waves hitting the sand

We speak softly of the events

of yet another day

The waves are rising...

As is the love we have grown to find..

We go hand in hand along the sandy shore

as it makes us realize how much more our love

is meant to be ..

The smell of the ocean air..

The waves ever so flowing to the glistening

of the love filled moon on the glowing blue

ocean of love ..

To the stars that have shown in our eyes

That always reminds us of our true love that

we share

Like a song filling our hearts as we two join into

one

We will never be apart and will always be one

entwined into each other

For the rest of our love filled days and moments

that we two share ...

The rest of eternity .....

Copyright ©2000  Julie Johnson

I Want To Know.......

I want to know,when the day is done.

Why life has to be so unfair.

That inoccent lives have to suffer

Through death and unselfish living.

I want to feel,when the evening falls

and shadows quickly lengthen

That life is no longer full of death

and crime

I want to know why things come so

tragically day by day

and that sadness will be no more.

I want to feel at eventide,

that someones cares enough to

try to cease this tragdey of life.

Because of kindness of others,

may life someday be brighter.